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I am faking it
I have a chronic condition called Myathenia Gravis. I have had it since I was about 10 and now I am 30. Its main characteristic is greneral muscle weakness all over the body. Because of certain treatment like chemo. I have developed a scarring on my body that stems from spots of infection not healing correctly. Now it looks as though my upper body was an experiment. Its bad. This affects me daily. People dont understand why I have no love in my life and what am I suppoed to say. Who do you think would want to see that everyday? I struggle with depression because of this and even though I have amazing friends and family there is always a distance I know they feel it but can't put there finger on what it is. They all love me and think I am the best thing ever but I am tired of pretending. I am not the happy go lucky guy I pretend to be all the time. I want out of this but nothing changes and I don't see an end to this charade I have built to be my life. I pray for someting to happen.
I do nothing at work
I have to be the laziest employee alive, I hope I don't get myself fired... I don't know what's wrong with me, I just don't ever feel like maintaining files or dealing with piles and piles of repetitious paperwork. I've learned to make it look like I'm doing my job, but I'm two weeks behind on things I'm supposed to do daily, and I haven't updated the personnel files in our small department in a good year or so. I'm only now finishing writing the calendar pages for the month of June... it's the 20th already. Who knows when I'll finish July? I tell myself every day I'll do better tomorrow, but it rarely turns out that way. I don't really know what to do.
falling for a coworker
I've worked here for 4 years. I've felt chemistry with one of my female coworkers from the very beginning. Recently, she has become much more flirty. This change has only intensified my feelings for her. I think about her constantly. Problem is, I'm engaged to a woman I've been with for 8 years. The thought of hurting her kills me. Thinking about my coworker is equally as painful, because I know we can never be together. I sit and think about her for hours. She's perfect in every way, but she'll probably never know how I really feel about her.
ex gf
after three years of commitment, my girlfriend dumped me. so i hacked onto her art site, gave her a bad rep with others, and did the same with her aol account... that stupid idiot should use better passwords.
never gonna happen
your 17 years older than me yet i find myself thinking of you nonstop. when i saw you the other day i was so shocked that i hid. i love you but to u im nothing.
1 month
I remember when I held you close. When time stopped still forever because I took in so much detail about our moment. It became a memory that will last forever in my mind, but when we left each other that memory was no longer enough. For one month, I was hurt by the silence between us. We rarely spoke a full conversation, and it seems, that you might have someone else on your mind. I've lived a life without being human. Then you came and made me feel everything that human beings feel, and it now torments me. I wish I told you what I wanted to say. It's obvious, painful, and right now, true. I want to say good bye, but that would be impossible.
Brandi
I have completely fallen in love with Brandi. I am married, and she has a boyfriend, so it will never happen, but I want to have her for my own.
regrets
I regret everything I have done since, and including, getting out of the military. My life was going perfectly right, and now I struggle with even wanting to live...
BOYs
well... I've been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now, but recently I've made a great friend with this amazing guy. My boyfriend realises that this guy would funnily be a perfect match for me, even more than he is. The problem is, I am always thinking of this other guy and not my boyfriend. This guy can make me laugh and smile a lot more then my boyfriend can. This guy is intelligent, funny, good looking, but also we have the same beliefs. I really am confused, and now, even his friends realise that this guys would be a better boyfriend for me...I don't know what on earth to do! if i break up with my boyfriend then it will break his heart. Should I stay with him? Even if I broke up with my boyfriend to go out with this guy.... so i wouldn't be in a better position, in fact I would be in a worst situation, as it would mean I wouldn't be able to talk to this guy at all! as he is my boyfriends friend... sorry for boring whoever has read this! but, this is my situation and i needed to get this off my chest and out into the open! thanks!
Broke Up
i broke up with this wonderful gf for no good reason. i was a highschool freshmen and she was a senior and i was too stupid to try to stick with her thru college. all my friends think shes bad cuz of various reasons which are all made up. i made them up. i didnt wanna talk about her cuz i missed her so badly. so i told every1 she cheated on me. but i miss her soo much. and i cant tell anybody. she knows i miss her. we hung out a while ago and we cld tell. jst...its not possible and it makes me depressed. i hate college.
death is the end
u know, i wld seriously despise god. but i rele cant. cuz hes a fake. ppl nowadays are soo stupid. heaven?! really? why shld we deserve to go2 heaven?? we are the only things on the planet to ever do anything evil. we create problems, we kill things for sport. we kill each other because we have conciouses. and because of that power christians think there SOO amazing they get to live forever once they die. just by confessing their sins. HA! only thing u can do about a sin is get over it. apologise. fix it. god doesnt care. hes not there. once a person dies their finaly how they shld be. part of nature. we give back what little bit we can for all the damage we have done once we die. theres no heaven to look forward to. the only thing we can do is live life as good as we can now. and be happy with the fact that death is the end. we are returned from where we came from. we will be there forever. and we will never even know.
i still cry
i dont wanna be cocky. but i think im a pretty decent guy. not too hard on the eyes. generally confident. athletic. smarter then most of my class. but with all that i still am torn apart by my ex gf. we broke up almost a year ago. and i still find myself thinking about it n getting all teary eyed. just hearing a song i listened to when we were together. or smelling the perfume she used to wear in a store. it happens everywhere. shes the only thing that ever cld make me cry. and i cant seem to stop. i havnt even seen her for a good 6 months. i dunno what to do. im not sure if i can ever feel the same about another girl. and trust me. iv tried. its just not the same. im so disconnected and spacy about girls now. im not interested in beautifuly shaped school girls walking by. i barely notice when there talking to me. im just not interested anymore. i just think of my ex i cant stop.
ex
i rele loved my ex gf before she moved away. i hated her for nearly 2 years after. but now everything is coming back and i wanna see her and be with her. i get butterflies thinking about her and i havnt had those for years now. and . . . i have a gf. a rele nice one too. i hate myself for this. its so wrong, i feel like im betraying my gfs trust. and im scared to tell any1 in case she finds out.
bad life choise
i like bad relationships. ones where there's suspicion and paranoia. and i found a good girl. im rele rele trying to be the best i can. but i keep thinking back to ex gfs. my current isn't risky enough. no excitement. i wanna get back with my ex rele bad and i feel horrible about it.
I forgot him
I was friends with him for months. we dated for a month. it ended. i don't know how i feel. but one thing is for sure. sometimes i forget we were even together until i see a picture or him, or i think of how much money i spent that day. i am not sure if i miss him or the time wasted. its sad but true. i realize he was nothing to me, just something to keep me more busy. maybe that's what he figured out and broke it off. I never meant to hurt him, he was just to hard up. but again i forget we were together....is that bad?
I Lied.. for five years.
I was best friends with a girl for five years because all i wanted to do was be romantic with her. We ended up dating, then i realized i hated her. We don't talk now. Five years is a long time to waste on something so dumb.
General Religion
I enjoy hearing about the deaths of idiots from "faith healing" congregations of the world, if their death is caused by treatable illnesses. Hey, there needs to be some method of ridding the worlds of stupid people. Get em young before they can breed! That's what I say. I'm being serious. My confession is, I know religion is the worst disease this world has to offer. The end.
I despair.
I'm failing my degree at quite a good university, through laziness. In my year, I've cheated with my best mate's girlfriend, I've taken a lot of money from people in drinks and gifts without returning the favour as I'm poor, and worse still I'm living with a group of people who at first seemed wicked to live with, but now seem really boring, forcing conversations about poetry to make themselves feel more intelligent. My mother is yelling at me to get a job, my music career is heading nowhere, and I've been single since a girl broke my heart almost 2 years ago. Lame.