my minds is completely messed up.
i lie so much and so frequently to everyone i know and love that my mind has brainwashed itself into thinking about things that have never happened, that i'm close friends with people i've never met, thes are people that i semi-stalk. i have dug myself into a hole and now my real friends are getting a bit suspicious and want to meet these so-called 'friends'. i have no idea what to do. it's not an option for me to just come out with the truth. i would be massacred. and im not mature enough to handle that. please help me get out of this. i can't even differentiate between what is the truth and what is all in my head anymore.
I am in love with a friend. We attend the same college, we're taking up the same major, we've been classmates for two semesters, and so we ended up with common friends. He doesn't know. Nobody knows. No one has an idea about how I feel. I wish I can tell him.
This is not really a confession as much as it is a rant. I am crazy. I must be crazy. I feel like I have not been myself for months, maybe even years. I cannot possibly be acting the way I am without there being something wrong with me. I'm lazy, and unmotivated and filled with self-loathing. I hate myself, and I miss liking myself, because how can I even be acting in such a way unless I have completely lost my mind. I want it back. I want everything to go back to normal. I no longer wish to be self-destructive!
why do you do this to me?
I am so nice to you and all i get in return is rude remarks. I loved you and cared for you. I still care about you. It makes no sense to me. I am always a sweet girl to you but all you do is lead me on and be rude. We have been through alot... friends, chatting online, romance, and much more. Now a days i just feel like you used me and it hurts. I dont think you care and i dont think you ever will. But maybe you will understand that what you did to me was not okay.
i will always care for you even if you dont care for me.
I met my girlfriend (now common law spouse) in 2004 and within 4 months, I felt persuaded/pushed into buying a house. We found a place in a rural 2 months later that was a 3 hour a day commute from my work. She never liked the place, as it was my choice to move there because of the relatively low price (she said she deserved a much more expensive place) so I was persuaded into cashing in almost of my RRSPs/retirement savings and maxing out a $15,000 line of credit and $10,000 in credit card debt to make renovations to this place, and after many tears from my GF and a lot of stress, we decided to move after a year. I've had to spend another $10,000 from another line of credit for renovations in the new place. I am in the hole for over $35,000 with no hope of paying i back. I don't want to tell her how much I owe because I'm scared of her reaction. She keeps complaining I can't help out with finances that much. I am finished financially -
bankruptcy is not an option.
I live inside my imagination. The person you meet on the street is not the real me...I am locked away inside a world of love, adventure, magic, excitment and heroics. This is where my true friends reside
Is it me?
I feel like i have an alto ego. The immature, caring person I was when i was younger and the person I am now, non-sympathetic and distant. When I feel like there is no one else i tell myself you'll always have me, as if its someone else, as if its all i need. I don't know if this is who I am supposed to be or if I chose to be like this. Is who we choose to be what we where always meant to be? and which one is the REAL me?
i have no real friends. i don't know why. i'm too lazy to go out there and work to meet real friends. and everyone where i live is stupid. i know when i turn 21, i'll go out to the bars and start meeting people worth my time, but until then, i am depressed.
i'm not ano, i'm just not hungry
so i'm pretty thin, right... like- i'm 5'9, and maybe 105 pounds. and i'm a dude. and everyone thinks i'm anorexic. but i'm not! i just don't eat very much because i like the attention i get from being thin. but i totally binge eat, too. like - i'll eat all day long, crazy amounts of food, and then not eat again for a couple of days. i'll just have a cup of coffee. i sometimes wish i were a little bulkier, but i love having people constantly worrying over my skinniness.
i am utterly in love with someone who is sometimes lovely and sometimes horrible. i would rather be treated badly by her than lose her. i am so lost.
i was on the bottle 'til i was 20..yes..twenty years old. it sounds outrageous and insane, but it was a great comfort that i never wanted to give up. i NEEDED to have a bottle of warm milk when i woke up, and usually before bed, although as i got older i mainly just "needed" one when i woke up. it was sort of like when people say they can't start their day without a cup of coffee, i couldn't start mine without my bottle of milk. only my parents, brother, and grandparents knew about this after i reached a certain age (4 or 5). after that, my mom would hide it in the back of the refrigerator so guests wouldn't find out about my secret". i'm 22 now
i cant stand the fact that she can make me feel like this
lost my son, regeting it big time
my wife and i split, and took my 2 year old son back to the other side of the world where she grew up. i asked her to leave, i just couldn't put up with her anymore. i knew that this would happen, that she would go back. i knew that it was final and that this would be it, forever, as far as i her and i are concerned - and i knew that this also included my son. its been 6 months now and i know i made the right decision with her..but not with my son. i don't know how i am suppose to live without my boy. nothing feels right at all. i feel like i have totally walked out on him, and the thought of him growing up with out me as his dad just makes me so sick. the thought of not being able to teach him things, and do dad type stuff with him makes my stomach feel like its on its own personal roll coaster. i would give anything in the world to be with him, I've tried sorting things out with his mother..but i just can't stand
her, everything i say is taken as a personal
attack. when she was here, all i wanted was to just enjoy life with her and our family seems so unattainable with her..to do that we have to "discuss" things...which i am all for...but every single day there was something...something I've said to her thats mean or hurtful....a "tone" that i have used to ask her to do something was wrong...i mean how can you live like that every single day...you just can't spend your life explaining yourself over and over again its just never ended....until i ended it.
i know i made the right choice with her, it couldn't go on any longer...the stress and frustration was just unimaginable.
but i think the pain and sadness from not having my son is worse, and it seems to be getting worse everyday.
i used to imagine the future with my family, and it made me so happy. now when i look at my future..i just can't see anything that i want my future to be.
I don't have cancer. In fact I'm perfectly healthy. I lied because I don't feel there is anything special about me and if I do make up something tragic or funny about myself then no one will ever feel sorry for me or thing I'm interesting.
Even though she loves him
Even though she's with someone new, I still love her from the bottom of my heart. Even though she hurt me time and time again, I want her just the same. I lie to everyone telling them I don't care and she's a witch, when really I am dying inside to be with her. What is wrong with me?!
I'm not in love
Well, here I am. Fifty Five and still trapped in 1970. I had a girl, a wonderful girl, who I loved with all my heart. She just didn't love me. We married and the sun shone in my life. She left and I put it all so deep. I re-married, had two beautiful children. My second wife and I were never really close and I feel awful that I couldn't make her happy. We were never partners. Mine left me in 1976.
Strange really because I haven't seen her for over 30 years but she is still my little one. If I saw her in the street today I probably wouldn't recognise her and she certainly wouldn't see me. Like the old, given, soldiers - age does not weary her, she is still my girl.
So the title is; I'm not in love, but you see i am - still.
I'm not bitter I am bemused at why such a feeling of love for her has lasted so long. I believe you love, deeply once. She was my once.
Maybe I am wrong. I hope so. For all the others that have been in a similar situation. Have they, you, found true, madly, deeply love again. If so I am happy for you. I am sad for me, but so glad that I had it in the first place, as I KNOW how it feels.
After 28 years, I still miss Kitty from Rockville. Although most of the time I casually think about her, there are those time that my heart is in anguish from a mistake I may have made years ago. Don't let yours get away.
I'm madly in love with Aliza!!!!!
She's beautiful, sexy, challenging and.... married.