I watch the show Intervention.... hoping some day that someone will love me enough to want to help me that way.
i dont know..
i'm scared. i have a good life. good friends. i'ma christian. but i do such bad things and i hate myself for it. I only bring pain and suffering to other people because i'm selfish and prideful. If i was never born. if i could take life into my own hands i think it'd be better if i just died. my friends, brothers, family they all worry and care about me so much i feel like such a bother in life. i dont know how to stop feeling like this. i love life. but at the same time it hurts so much. this world is so full of corruption and i dont know how i feel. Whether to be mad or sad or depressed. i dont show any of it. but sometimes. sometimes i just want to talk to one person about it. but i dont want people to judge me. life is so weird. but that's part of it right? i feel kind of better?.
I have so much guilt over things that I have done or thought I have done. Thats the problem, I don't know if I really have done it, or if my mind is taking over. I just want to be forgiven so I that I can have my mind back.
my mom always says its "everyone else with the problem, you didnt do anything wrong" ..but im starting to think im the one with the problem. why is it always the other person? i wish people could just grow up.
Can't order a drink..
This is really sad...but I am afraid to go out with my friends to a bar...because I don't want to order a drink at the bar...with a bartender...I am afraid to..I don't know why I just am. Some of the fear is that I am afraid of "how to order" and then how to tip..and where the money goes..and so on. I have been 21 for 9 months now and have only been to a 3 bars. 2 ON my 21st bday and one a month later...but I had my friend order my drink...she was like what the heck? SO..since then...I have not been out...I tell my friends I am on a budget and can't afford it...which is somewhat true...but mostly..it is because I am afraid.
It sucks too because I am young and cute! I have great friends...the only thing holding me back is that dumb fear...and I KNOW it is dumb! LOL. i hate seeing all my friends pics on Facebook and stuff..out drinking and having a good time..without me...and they have no idea why...
I am probably the only one in the WORLD with this fear.
I really hate her..
So me and this girl were friends from our jr. year of HS till Sept. 07 ( for 6 years). I broke off the friendship because she started to copy me a lot and want to be like me. So much it reminded me of the movie "single white female" SERIOUSLY. She even cut her hair like me! So anyway...I just hate her. She is the one that screwed with my life, and tried to compete with me, and I am the one getting the "fuzzy end of the lollypop" What the heck? was Karma misdirected? She is turning people against me..telling them lies..and they believe her!!!! I just don't get it? I don't usually hate people. I really hate her though..I really do. I just want to beat her down. Give her a good right hook. I have never been so angry in my life. I hate her.
I constantly lie to be to gain acceptance and seem "cool". I lie about girls and about how much money I have. I pretend to know all sorts of things but in reality I'm pretty ignorant. I keep lying to myself, saying I'm going to quit smoking and quit drinking, just quit all those harmful things all together and the next time its around me I smoke and drink as much as I can for fear of it really being the last time I do it. I'm a sad person. I'm a complete jerk to a lot of people that have it coming but inside I don't even feel like they deserve but I do it to make other people laugh at anothers expense. I want to be a better person and it's going to start today. I'm going to quit drinking and smoking, I'm going to stop lying about insignifigant stuff, I'm going to treat people well no matter how they act and if I dont feel thats possible I will keep my mouth shut.
Failure Of A Marriage
I have failed at my marriage. I expect to be separated within a few days. I have many regrets. My largest regret by far is the impact of this separation/divorce upon my children. I own the pervasive feeling I could have done better. Not much of a secret, true, but scratch at the bottom and you'll find more bottom. How could I have done better? When all is said and done, whatever I did and didn't do was insufficient to make my partner feel special and loved and engaged and excited, etc. We have slowly exchanged, inch by inch and hour by hour, a loving relationship for bitterness and acrimony. I stayed with her because of my children and what we once were to each other. I should have (but could not) figure out how to make it work. This is a shoddy night..
i know that im only 14 and people will say it doesnt matter, and people mature at different rates. but in my school and life i have never had a boyfriend-i doubt anyone has ever liked me at all.
i dont know whats wrong with me:im in good shape, and i know i am pretty, im not being vain. i am a little shy but i still have no problem talking to anyone, boys included- so i dont know what to do, i feel so lonely and stupid
I love my mom but hate having her qualities
So everyone tells me that I'm exactly like my mom but i hate it. I hate having her attitude because i hate her attitude when it comes to complaining and being mad. I hate how she is when she's sick...it's so bad and i get that from her too. i hate it. my mom always complains about my dad, and i don't like jsut sitting and listening to her complain. half the time she complains about stuff she shouldn't be complaining about. she's lucky even to have a husband like him around!
I hate myself
when i was younger i did some things that i am now still not able to admit to people. it stops me from becoming close to people i meet and may become friends with. i can t stop thinking about the things i did and people i destroyed. death will be my release but i won't kill myself cause of my family and its a dumb way to fix" your problems so i will be living with these thoughts until i die of natural causes or something else. "
We really don't love each other
I don't really love him -- I think I'm with him because he's the only one who will ever put up with me. Sad part is, I know the only reason he does so is because he is too afraid to leave because his self-confidence is so low. If he even had a bit more self confidence, he would never be with me, because he really doesn't love me either. We're together because we're afraid to be alone, not because we love each other.
Lost love that could have been
I'm in love with a girl 700km away, who recently broke up in her relationship and was in love with me for a little while. I'm in a relationship with a girl already, but am never sure if she is the one, not like the girl I found.
Now she has found someone else that I am friends with and it has crushed me inside that it could have been me. Not knowing for sure hurts me even more, because I still think about her all the time, and how much I guess I shouldn't love her.
Life will go on, but i'll always try to remember what I could have had with MM.
I was his secret but we were so in love, it was perfect; best friends and lovers until he chose the religion he didnt believe in. I still hate him for the decision he made.
I love a girl I have never seen in person.... We use to chat and have contacts thro'mail... I like the way she behaves... The way she makes me feel...
Maybe I am CRANKY...
Every day, I try to keep from willingly sinning. I am conscientious of what I say and do. Despite this, I have horrible thoughts that pop up into my head unwillingly. They started off as just one or two bad thoughts a day and it's now gotten up to 20+ unwanted thoughts a day. The thoughts are really horrible, ranging from flashes of my family's pet dog being stabbed repeatedly to my friends being decapitated--things that are so repulsive to me that I can't believe that I am even capable of such thoughts. I've tried to pray the thoughts away, but they still haven't subsided. I hate them and they scare me, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to a psych because I don't want anyone to know that I have this problem. I feel like an evil person. I wish someone could help me.
hope her ticket doubled
This old roommate of mine had a bad bad falling out. We absolutely hate each other. I happened to see her car, and I'm positive it was hers, parked one day on the side of the street by my house. She had a parking violation ticket on the front windshield. Well, I know that if you don't pay a parking ticket in 3 weeks or so, it will double in price, soooo I walked right over and quickly grabbed it off the car. If she never knew about it then she would never pay it in three weeks, right? hahaha hope her ticket doubled.
Sometimes, I wish I'd been "the fat kid" when I was younger. I used to be pretty shy, and I'm still really insecure and self-concious, so I might as well have been the guy who could sit on people when he got mad at them :P Also, it seems like all the kids who were like that when they were younger are better at working out nowadays, so... Anyway, as weird as it might be, I'm actually trying to gain weight now, muscle and fat, so, yeah :P