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I keep thinking about him

I keep thinking about this guy that is my fiance's co-worker/friend. I sometimes wonder if I am really suppose to be with the man I am with now. Though I then start thinking about how nice my fiance is and how much I love him. I just get really bored with him sometimes because he is not very spontaneous. This other guy just has something about him that allures me to him. I know he would never do anything with me because he does not want to ruin his friendship, but I would love to just kiss him. I really want to do something about it, but I am not sure what. I don't know if I should just try and be friends with him...or what? It sucks I get all hot and heavy over a guy that I can never be with...I sometimes hate that the man I am with is so nice and wants only me. It makes me feel awful inside...I know that I should just get over it but I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM. Eventhough he drinks, smokes, and most likely has been with a lot of woman. My fiance will not let me be alone with him because he knows that I have a crush on him. He does not know that I think about him all the time.

Never shall be...

I am engaged to this wonderful man and have been so for a year, but I really like his friend. I know that this is not right and I am not sure if I just like this guy because he is new and different or something more. Nothing will ever happen though because, well it just will not. But I cannot get this other guy out of me head. I keep thinking about him and I just want to be around him. I know though that I should not want these things because I could never hurt my fiance. I suppose I just want to get to know this other guy better...

Drop Out

I want my 'friend' to fail at life so badly. All she does is piss and moan about everything. When she doesn't have something her way, she'll say she'll hurt herself. And what's worse is her Parents will give her it! I feel so bad for her Parents. They sound so drained and tired most of the time. She's out 'til all hours of the morning, staying at strangers houses and doing God knows what- at 14 years of age. It's disgusting. She's never at school and I'm surprised she even bothers turning up for exams. She wants to be a singer, but the truth is 1)she's so bone idol, b) she doesn't want to do anything herself, someone else will have to get her signed and c) she can't sing. It's true, or play guitar, bass or kayboard. Stop using your Nan as an excuse for 'failing' in counselling (or blaming ME again- I'm sorry that I had my own problems and that I didn't drop everything for YOU) and wise up. I'm sick of you!

She Loves me!

Today I was standing there at our campus, where some of our gang gather around a girl who fainted...I kept "Talking my Talk" so I can get people out of the "worry" mood. She came along to stand with the girl who fainted, and everytime I looked at her directly she blushed, like never before....She went red faced with a cute smile..well I still like her, but I won't do this mistake again, Last time I kept treating her nicely in a Lover boy manner, and I got stiffed (not really, it was my mistake) but still!, I guess I'll let days pass, may be one day things will go the way I wanted!....Honestly I hope it does....T13


my twisted soul's reflection... i am in love with you.


i stole my mothers credit card and used it. i used it even though i knew she does not have the money to pay it off and that if my father ever finds out he will leave our family. i feel like i want to die. the guilt is lingering throughout my body. i wish i could take it back, i wish i can fix it

worst thing ever......

i was really drunk and at a party and while in the bathroom to use the toilet i saw $20 and i took it - i feel sick about it now - i can not even believe i did it - i hate people like me who do things that horrible low - i stole from someone- i am going to give the money to charity-

Biggest. Loser. Ever.

My roommates friend is a loser. I hate him with a passion. Seriously, he is the biggest loser I've ever met. I used to think my roommate was a pretty intelligent guy, but his choice of friends and the actions he's taken since making these friends really perplexes me. I hate this particular friend most for turning my friend into something that I don't recognize any more. Something dependent on drugs and alcohol. It's really quite sad.

i love her more than ever

i've been debating for a few months with myself. i've tried to get over her, but it's just not happening. i still love her!!

In love

For the past few months, i've always been thinking about this amazing girl, the initials F.B. I know and i think i'm falling in love but i'm scared to...

Gears of War should be more romantic.

I hoped that when he invited me to play video games online with him it meant he was really too shy to ask me on a date.

I'm always punching myself in the face

Figuratively of course. As it turns out I find myself emotionally involved with 2 women. The circumstances are complex. Since said circumstances do not allow me to share my dilemma with those close to me I will share it here. A little over 6 months ago my girlfriend dumped me. It was entirely unexpected, literally like a bombshell landed in my living room. I was stunned, hurt, and shocked. Within weeks, she was already dating someone else. I was forced to leave our apartment, and she even went as far as to not allow me entry into the apartment to get my own things. Now I was unaware until the breakup that things were this bad. I assumed all was well, a sentiment she echoed to me on numerous occassions. For whatever reason, she decided it was all to much. I spent the next few months drowning myself in booze. I've never been the type to seek absolution in the form of substances. I was simply so distraught over the ordeal that I never managed to find a way to cope normally. Sometime later she randomly calls me, to inform me it was a huge mistake to leave me. We reconnect on some level and things are going well until......Another girl walks into my life, thru Facebook of all things. Just so happens this other girl is my best friend's ex. They've been apart for well over a year (nearly two) and we we're very flirtatious. We hung out a few times, and she told me how much she liked me. Now I find myself desiring both women. On one hand I want what I've always had, but I'm bitter about the betrayal she put me through. Then I want to be with the other girl, but realize the difficulties we'd face letting everyone know. So I'm breaking my own heart on two fronts really. Wanting two things, and realizing it's impossible to have both.

Not Mine

I love another woman's children. They should have been mine. I could make him feel loved if he left her and brought his children with him, to me. All children deserve to feel loved by their mother.

self pity

I am utterly full of self loathing. I wish I weren't so needy and emotional, but I'm so dependent on others, yet I'm a triangle peg being jammed into the star box of everyone's expectations. Now that I'm sick people try to help them but my different drummer self is driving them up the wall. I don't have any idea what I've done wrong many times, and when I do know what I've done to irritate them I can't be able to seem to fix it. It sucks. I hate myself for being a burden. I hate myself for being sick. I hate myself for dissapointing loved ones. And when I try to conform just to not dissapoint people who are trying to help me, I hate the fakeness that I am, an utterly empty shell. ITs not my. I'm watching in disgust from the sidelines. I wish I had worth in my life. The only worth I feel is that I've never abandoned my children no matter how sick I feel and I'm not leaving them motherless even if I am a semi-bad mother. For all the mistakes I make, I hope one day at least they know they have a mother who cared enough to try.

roommate revenge

My roommate pissed me off, so I scrubbed our sink with her toothbrush.

Silly drunk!

I know we all laugh about my "alcoholism" but in reality, I get drunk every night to beat the insomnia and because I hate thinking the fact that I don't get to be with him whenever I want any more. If sober, I just lie there, wide awake, crying.

I've never had a boyfriend

I'm 18, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed. I don't want to be like this forever.

I hate my sister

I know it sounds really bad, but she is someone that I can't stand to be around. She is three years younger than me. I have to live in the same house as her. She is disgusting and just down-right mean. I don't even try to get along with her anymore, its useless. The little sister that I used to know is dead to me. Most people don't even know we're related. We don't even speak to each other while we're in the same house.