Why do we bother?
I'm beginning to hate everything. Nature is boring and empty. Eating food is a chore...I wish I could just live off of vitamins and coffee. Music is played out. Nothing is really sacred in this world, it seems. There are only three things left in this world that I get enjoyment from:
1. Romance with my man 2. Skydiving 3. My job (it's an adrenaline job). Everything is else is boring and I can't be bothered. The magic is gone and I live for no good reason that I can think of. Maybe I should go have some kids or something.
I have no hope. I'm just here. I don't know what I have to look forward to. I feel like I've done all the living I could possibly want to do. I don't understand people who want to live to be 120 years old. That's just madness. I have to think that such people are either idiots or really skilled escapists because reality is ugly and that's the truth. Maybe I should dope myself up so that I don't have to be conscious of this wretched experience called "living." Barf. I can't sleep.
hate turned forward
i've decided that even though i hate eveyone (aside from a few personal closies), i still want to be here and be personable. and what finally brought me round is a weekend at home cleaning my home and growing my plants, come end of the summer i'll have tomatoes, chives, basil, green pepper and cilantro. it's nice to look forward to my tiny weeny plants growing into less grocery shopping, and you know what? it makes a difference in this extrinsicly motivated society.
I stole my friend's (for 9 yrs) boyfriend.
In the eyes of my other high school friends, I am the witch. I am the one who *stole* him away. He and I have always liked each other for the past 3 years, but he was too chicken to ask me out during that time, fearing a loss of our friendship. Eventually, and 3 years later, we confessed how much we liked each other. It actually happened WHILE he was still with his gf. He dated her because he suppressed feelings for me to keep our friendship. Unfortunately, he realized there was something missing in his life when he moved to another city to be with her: and it was me. Now I've lost those high school friends because I chose to be with him. Some have been ignoring me. One that I used to talk to a lot deleted me on facebook. Another mutual friend seems distant when she talks to me. I should start accepting that those girls won't talk to me again for a mistake that I made. Is this guy really worth it? He was my
best friend for 3 years. He's really
something to me though. I couldn't hide my feelings any longer.
I have to confess it somewhere. I am hurting myself. I am withholding food all day and then eating all night. I feel totally out of control. I drink so much liquids I think I might over hydrate and die - I have symptoms-dizziness etc. I am so thin. My mother thinks it is because I have a food-allergy-driven restricted diet. But that is not why I am so thin. I starve. I hate how it feels. The not eating is better than the overeating. The worst part is I want to stop but have no one I feel I can trust to tell. I feel so bad, I feel trapped. I want it to stop but feel I need to battle through this. But the last few years have been brutal. I do not know if I can survive more upheaval. And then, tomorrow morning I will wake up and feel fine-all better-like I am normal. Where does this torn-up girl go to and why will she not stay there? Where is the happy day time girl and how can I make her come back? How do I survive this? I have no
i'm a christian, but sometimes i don't beleive that god is really there. i think he is just made up, i know he's real but i always have my doubts.
I consistently feel as though my choices are not my own. I cannot even freely love the person who makes my heart soar because my circumstances do not give me the freedom of choice.
The other night, you kissed me goodnight. It was nothing really. It was just a drunken peck on the lips because that's where I pointed in my drunken stupor. But it was the first kiss I've ever had that I haven't been able to get out of my head. You're my friend and coworker and you're amazing and I love how your wit matches mine every second of the day. And now I'm afraid I won't be able to look you in the face...because I'll be picturing your lips on mine, and the love I'll never get from you because you're hers.
i take 20 or 30 diet pills a day because YOU, the only boy ive ever loved, call me fat every chance you get. you have made me feel completely worthless and destroyed every part of who i used to be. i think about that while im throwing up. congratulations.
In love with my wifes best friend
So, about ten years ago, in high school I was dating this one girl. She introduced me to some of her friends the summer we started dating. I immediately fell in love with one of her friends. About ten months later when we broke up, I still felt strongly about her friend. We were sort of friends at the time, and a few months later, I told her how I felt. Unfortunately for me, she didn't feel the same way. Few years later she hooked me up with one of her friends. We dated for several years and are currently married with one child. Now the girl I fell in love with moved away, and I was able to ignore my feelings for her. But now she's back in town with her own child (she's still single) and I'm still in love with her. Can't say I really know what to do. We work together now, and are planning on a starting a band of sorts together. I want to tell her so bad how I feel, but I fear (and I believe rightfully so) that it'll
just backfire and ruin everything. I know most
would say just stay with my wife, but I don't know that I can. I don't plan on cheating whatsoever, and if everything goes bad I'll file for custody of my child. But it still doesn't change what I feel for her friend.
Hate Religious People
I hate religious people!! I think they're incredibly ignorant, arrogant, and close-minded. I'm an atheist, and I hate how they try to make me feel badly for this. I don't want to conform like them. They're a bunch of mindless, emotionally retarded zombies.
She made sure my contract wasn't renewed. Everyone on staff loved me though. I did such a great job! She always hated me and made sure I got the chop. I think about waiting for her after work and beating her up. She makes like 90 thou a year, right now I'm stuck looking for another job. I hate how this world is so unfair.
I was at work and thought I would be cool and went in a back room to sleep. I set my cell phone to wake me up. The cell phone woke me and I fell back asleep. The next thing I know the supervisor called me on a cell phone to open a door so he could come in (morning). A real dumb mistake. He was nice about it (I think) I have got in trouble before and actually got fired for sleeping. I think I am going down the toilet again as far as trying to better my life.
I am the biggest failure on the planet.
I failed my first year of Middle School (about to fail the second time!) and I feel like it is the end of the world, I am often depressed because of this, oh, what I would do to pass the class just this once!
in love with my students' dad
I think I am in love with my student's dad. =)
it's not how you think it is.
i've always been the cute girl who sits on the fence. i don't look on the bright side, like i pretend to. to everyone around me, i'm the uber-childish and cheerful freshman. the truth is....I am a racist, self hating, greedy, material, easily angered, witch. even I know it. well, actually, i'm the only one who DOES. when i'm told i'm cute, witch happens a lot, i say thank you, or 'no, i'm not really.' but i really think i'm the cutest looking girl alive, or at least the whole school. the walls are down. i don't care. no more cutesy. try this on for size.
I feel like my dad doesn't like how I turned out.
I feel like I am a disappointment to him. I feel like he'd rather his stepson be his real son...
My best friend, roommate and hopefully future girlfriend was gone for six months and I saw her for the first time today. Words just can't describe how good it feels to be back in each others arms.
I am obsessed with my green laser pen. I point the beam at anything and anyone. It cost me 100GBP a year ago and its dead good. It's 100mW output and it can damage your retina if you look directly at it. I shine it at people in the street and when they look around I duck behind the curtain like a wimp and giggle like a hysterical girl. Needless to say I can't get a girlfriend.