- What do you call an annoying vampire?
A pain in the neck.
- How do eels taste?
- What do you call a penguin in the desert?
- What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it?
It let out a little wine.
- What is fastest, hot or cold?
Hot, you can catch a cold.
- Where did the spaghetti go to dance?
The meat ball.
- What goes "ha, ha, plop"?
Someone laughing their head off.
- What goes "boo hoo, splat"?
Someone crying their eyes out.
- Why did the balloon burst?
Because it saw the lollypop.
- What kind of bow can't be tied?
- Why did the boy eat his homework?
The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's ok, he woke up.
- What has four legs but can't run?
- Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?
Because she mislaid them.
- What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.
- Why shouldn't you go outside if it's raining cats and dogs?
Because you might step in a poodle!
- What do you get from a pampered cow?
- How many words are in The English Dictionary?
- What are two things you can't have for lunch?
Breakfast and dinner.
- Why did the computer need glasses?
To fix his web sight.