He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
Stand on toilet, get high on pot.
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok..
A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows all the corners.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.
Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald.
Fame is a magnifying glass.
Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight.
A son is a son till he gets him a wife, but a daughter's a daughter the rest of your life.
A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.
A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly.
A tree falls the way it leans.
Advice when most needed is least heeded.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them.
He who does not know one thing knows another.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door..
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Man who eat prunes get good run for money.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
An enemy will agree, but a friend will argue.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom.
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.
It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
You cannot unscramble eggs.
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
Doubt is the beginning not the end of wisdom.

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest.
Commit a sin twice and it will not seem a crime.
He who leaps high must take a long run.
He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star.
If the patient dies, the doctor has killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.
Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one.
Love enters a man through his eyes, woman through her ears.
More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown.
No man limps because another is hurt.
One cannot shoe a running horse.
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato—the best part of him is underground.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A prudent man does not make the goat his gardener.
One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.
He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
Anger without power is folly.
Without vision, we are blind to opportunity.
A man is not honest simply because he never had a chance to steal.
A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths.
In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the difference.
The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes.
Wise men learn by other men's mistakes, fools by their own.
Darkness reigns at the foot of the lighthouse.
Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief.
Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.
Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
A closed mouth catches no flies.
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
A courtyard common to all will be swept by none.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Silence is one of the most effective forms of communication.
You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of travelling.
May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow.
If you choose not to decide - you still have made a choice.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.
If you want your eggs hatched, sit on them yourself.
The nail that sticks up will be hammered down.
Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.
Question Authority and the Authorities will question You.
A company is known by the people it keeps.
A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.
Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots.
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
A drowning man is not troubled by rain.
A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
A hedge between keeps friendship green.
Politics is a rotten egg; if broken, it stinks.
Some people are masters of money, and some its slaves.
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
The night rinses what the day has soaped.
The reverse side also has a reverse side.
The road to a friend's house is never long.
When you live next to the cemetery you cannot weep for everyone.
Who begins too much accomplishes little.