A Hippie is someone who walks like Tarzan, looks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. (Quote by - Ronald Reagan)

The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner." (Quote by - Elmer Pasta)

I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change. (Quote by - Joan Rivers)

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ, he gave her a lecture on anorexia. (Quote by - Wendy Morgan)

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. (Quote by - Sam Brown)

If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning. (Quote by - Simon Cowell)

If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you. (Quote by - Simon Cowell)

Apparently, he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine, if you get my drift. (Quote by - Dave Barry)

I've just learned about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial. (Quote by - Irvin S. Cobb)

You will find that silence or very gentle words are the most exquisite revenge for insult. (Quote by - Judge Hall)

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. But then he has much to be modest about. (Quote by - Winston Churchill)

The best way to procure insults is to submit to them. (Quote by - William Hazlitt)

Even rabbits insult an dead lion. (Quote by - Proverbs)

Why does our host always have tears in his eyes after sex? Due to the pepper spray. (Quote by - Ji'll Schall)

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon. (Quote by - Johannes Brahms)

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack. (Quote by - Katharine Hepburn)

Little enemies and little wounds must not be despised. (Quote by - Proverbs)

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load. (Quote by - Richard Armour)

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river. (Quote by - Cordell Hull)

It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it. (Quote by - Seneca)

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. (Quote by - J. Russel Lynes)

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter. (Quote by - Robin Williams)

Your head is as empty as a hermit's address book. (Quote by - Rowan Atkinson)

I am not going to spend any time whatsoever in attacking the Foreign Secretary. If we complain about the tune, there is no reason to attack the monkey when the organ grinder is present. (Quote by - Aneurin Bevan)

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. (Quote by - Louis Nizer)