Dumb.com - Taglines

Funny taglines found in email signatures, forum postings, and on Facebook:

Once in a while, I screw up and do something right.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
Be careful when slinging mud, you might lose ground.
I keep putting off procrastination & get nowhere
Don't look now but your fly's open!
One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Drop the gun, Tom said with a disarming smile.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Discoveries are made by not following instructions.
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
Something wicked this way comes.
Why isn't "phonetically" spelled that way?
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
Fake it till you make it.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener.
Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic (c)ryalot
Just another useless, unnecessary tagline.
Anything once assembled, will fall apart.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind.
The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
All things considered, insanity may be the best alternative.
Adventure is the champagne of life.
What could possibly go wrong.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.
A terrible mind is a thing to waste.
The shortest distance between new friends is a smile.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
If all goes well, you've overlooked something.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
All my good Taglines are at the cleaners.
Inquiring minds already think they know.
If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up.
I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me.
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
Assumption is the mother of all screwups.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
Do not applaud until you have heard the music.
It's always harder to pave the way for others.
Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes right to the bone.
If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.
Don't you have something better to do than read this?
Paramedics are patient people.
Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
Avoid Mistakes...Do Nothing.
Rude, crude, socially unacceptable.
Marshmallow salespeople learn the soft sell.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
A recession is what takes the wind out of your sales.
Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
Science asks why. I ask why not.
What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
A bachelor is a man who is free to choose, and chooses to be free.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse guys.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
BEEP: This is a test of the Emergency Tagline System.
Proverb: Man who sit on tack get point.
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate.
If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
It only takes a small oven to produce a half-baked idea.
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, The whole time.
Money is the root of all bills.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
Don't tell me what kind of day to have!
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Life is like a car wash and I'm on a bicycle.
I am not antisocial. I'm just not real friendly.
Be patient, God isn't finished with me yet.
A squirrel is just a rat with good PR.
Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Another brilyunt mind diztroyed by publik edjukayshun.
What part of my brilliance don't you understand?
1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
A hug warms the soul and places a smile in the heart.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Proverb: Man who run in front of car get tired.
I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode.
Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.
Another birthday? I have your GIF right here.
Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
The Majority is never right; unless it includes me.
A camel is a horse designed by committee.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Every purchase has its price.
All generalizations are bad.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? [Answer: 5.] Why? Because there's a difference between deciding & doing.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
A fool wants to be king. A wise man wonders if he can handle the job.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Another exploration in the black hole of time.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
To every exception there is a rule.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the manual.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
A job is nice, but it interferes with my life.
Inertia makes the world go round.
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
Proverb: A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
What if we were our reflection's reflection?
Puns are bad, but poetry is verse.
I'm a very modest person. And damn proud of it.
I just got a new car for my girlfriend....Great trade.
Eternity? Straight ahead, turn left at infinity.
Life: A brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
A library is an arsenal of liberty.
Don't ask me, I only work here.
Work expands to exceed the time allotted.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Medical definition: Barium. What you do if CPR fails.
Do not answer fools according to their folly.
Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
Psychic Convention canceled due to unforeseen problems.
A bad day at home is better than a good day at work
Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
A shining beacon in an electronic void.
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Reality is just another illusion.
Tomorrow will be yesterday soon enough.
A black hole is God dividing by zero.
Dogmas breed litters of stigmas.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Without time, everything would happen all at once.
If you don't vote, don't complain.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
A day without sunshine is like night.
Caution: Hungry Dieter May Bite If Provoked
At the center of the earth, which way is down?
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into the same bag.
The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
A day in the life of a message traffic cop.
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
A career is a job that has gone on too long.
Give me some chocolate and no one gets hurt!
I am not responsible for advice not taken.
Proverb: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
A weasel is a ferret with seniority.
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
It takes two to compete, but only one to cooperate.
Where anything can happen, but usually doesn't.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Those who learn not from history are doomed to repeat it.
Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it well.
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Desk: A very large wastebasket with drawers.
I have come here to kick ASCII.
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
All truth is found in taglines.
I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
My tagline can beat up your tagline.
Expansion Slots: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean.
A bird in the hand can be awfully messy.
ASCII and ye shall receive.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
Don't even pretend to be interested in this tagline.
Proverb: Man can only learn from experience. The WISE man learns from that of others.
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
A Tagline a day keeps viruses away.
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
It's not a bug, its an undocumented feature.
All answers subject to change in the next ten minutes.
Proverb: Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.
Experience is directly proportional to ruined equipment.
I feel much better since I gave up hope.
I stumbled over a stone and took it for granite.
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
Proverb: Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
The main thing we learn from history is that politicians don't.
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
A voltage spike? OUCH! That hertz!
A bird in the hand can be messy.
Black holes really suck.
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
To boldly code what no one has coded before.
This tagline's confused - thinks it's a message.
Proverb: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.
A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere.
Fundamentalism means never having to open your mind.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
A new standard in obfuscation, ambiguity, & equivocation.
Time for culture, gone CHOPIN, BACH in a MINUET.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
And now for something completely different...
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
Where there's a will, there's a won't.
A coward mistakes oppression for peace.
Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
Bad habits? I have nun.
Talk is cheap...until you hire a lawyer.
An error becomes a mistake only when you refuse to correct it.
Courage atrophies from lack of use.
A man's home is his Hassle.
It is better to burn out than fade away.
Stop talking while I'm interrupting.
The man who begins many things finishes few.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Old age is better than the alternative.
Beware of geeks bearing GIFs.
Some get the elevator, some get the shaft.
Our parents were never our age.
God created cats so that men could learn to understand women.
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
For the millionth time, don't exaggerate.
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
How arrogant of you not to accept my obvious superiority.
All I want to know is: WHY ME?
A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Only lemmings jump to conclusions.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Ignorance is where learning begins.
Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.
Go ahead, Moderate my day.
A cult is a religion with no political power.
Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
All true wisdom is found in taglines.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Warning: Not responsible for contents of posts made after midnight.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts.
The open hand of desire wants everything.
When you enter the ocean, you enter the food chain, and not necessarily at the top - Jacques Yves Cousteau.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
A matter of opinion, your opinion doesn't matter.
I wonder what this button does....
Every solution breeds new problems.
A home, where the buffalo roam, is messy.
A fisherman can be very a-luring.
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
A production of the digitally insane.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
I've upped my standards, now UP YOURS!
I used to have peace of mind, now I have kids.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
The man who dies with the most toys is dead.
A prune is a plum with experience.
A taxi driver is a man who drives away customers.
This discussion is hanging by a thread.
A jack of all trades is master of none.
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
It's only ones and zeros.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Sharp swords are one thing; sharp words are quite another.
Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis.
Meditation is not what you think.
87% of all statistics are worthless.
It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
I'm joining the Procrastinators Club - soon
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
Sorry, no tagline. Check back next week
A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.
This message edited for the ironically impaired.
Just visiting this planet.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
Ambivalence may or may not be my problem.
I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
And many MILES to go before I sleep.
This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes.
There was a tagline here but someone stole it.
A metaphor is like a simile.
This Life is a test...It is only a test....
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Your foot, Your mouth....Go arrange a meeting.
I'm having one of those decades.
Another casualty of the seduction of insanity.
If your hand goes forth withhold your temper. If your temper goes forth withhold your hand.
This message will self-destruct in 5...4...3...2...1...
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me.
If I could, I would, but I can't, so I won't.
Back off man! I'm a programmer...
Toddler: An indoor tornado.
Don't believe in miracles, count on them.
Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
A big enough hammer fixes anything.
Doubt grows with knowledge.
A skydiver is taken by the gravity of his situation.
Annoy your roommate: Skip to the bathroom.
Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life on this forum.
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. - William Blake
Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
An ounce of emotion equals a ton of facts.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
Bad breath is better than no breath.
Alimony is short for all your money.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Proverb: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
Never judge a man by his taglines.
A kick in the butt is a step forward.
Recognize your own greatness, and be humbled by it.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
Software means never having to say you're finished.
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
Proverb: Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
There's one fool in every married couple.
This tagline only to be removed by the consumer.
Anything demonstrated for a repairman will work perfectly.
Must you be a pothole in the highway of life?
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.
Kids - They're not sleeping, they're are recharging.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Mother is the invention of necessity.
At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
Mistakes are the dues one pays for a full life.
Be nice to your enemies, it drives them nuts.
You can not reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason.
Spontaneity has its time and place.
A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
All the world's a stage and I just got the hook.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else get your way.
All my friends tell me that peer pressure is cool.
My tagline writers are working overtime.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
ACOUSTIC: What you play pool with.
Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side.
An unreflected life is not worth living.
I'm in shape ... round is a shape isn't it?
It is better to be brief than boring.
Aging: when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
The solution to the problem changes the problem.
A cynic is an idealist who has finally learned the truth.

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