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Humor Quotes
This section contains Humor Quotes

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. (Quote by - Mark Twain)

How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on? (Quote by - Tom Waits)

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. (Quote by - Sir Winston Churchill)

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. (Quote by - Victor Borge)

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Unconscious humor. (Quote by - Samuel Butler)

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. (Quote by - Agnes Repplier)

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. (Quote by - Mary Pettibone Poole)

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. (Quote by - Max Eastman)

We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers. (Quote by - Marguerite Gardiner)

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him. (Quote by - Romain Gary)

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.' (Quote by - Jack Handey)

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around. (Quote by - Robert Braul)

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. (Quote by - Mignon McLaughlin)

Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously. (Quote by - Arland Ussher)

When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertinence. (Quote by - Thomas W Higginson)

Humor helps us to think out of the box. The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the average adult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs? (Quote by - Similar)

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. (Quote by - George Eliot)

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. (Quote by - Douglas Adams)

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. (Quote by - George Bernard Shaw)

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. (Quote by - John Kenneth Galbraith)

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks. (Quote by - Jack Handey)

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. (Quote by - Dave Barry)

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. (Quote by - Bill Cosby)

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