QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock
bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but
more of a definitely won't be.
4. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot.
9. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts,
the better.

Can I play the piano once these are off?
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."