A man with a pegleg, hook hand and...
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird pooped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.
A man worries
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband. A man never worries about the
future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand
him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with
a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change & she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new one.