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10 Good Things About The Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.

9. You can legally take sedatives.

8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.

7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.

6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.

5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.

4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.

3. Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

Actual Business Signs In USA
In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a classified ad: "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a classified ad: "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

Latest Joke Fight Results:

• A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner... was a winner against An Evil Curse
• A College Student’s Night Before Christmas was a winner against A man walked into
• A bus filled with politicians was driving through the... was a winner against A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items...
• Bad computer viruses was a winner against Anniversary
• A defendant was on trial for murder. The... was a winner against A Night Before Christmas For Moms
• Legal Troubles was a winner against Business one-liners 99
• Absentminded Doctor to Patient was a winner against A lawyer's dog, running about
• A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton... was a winner against How To Annoy People In An Elevator
• Cartoon Laws of Physics was a winner against Bathtub Seizure
• Actual Business Signs In USA was a winner against A problem with teeth