How To Annoy People In An Elevator
How To Annoy People In An Elevator ===================================== Meow or bark occasionally.Push the buttons & pretend they give you a shock. Smile & go back for more.Greet everyone who comes in the elevator with a big handshake.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action.Recite poetry to everyone you meet.Lean against the button panel.Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them.Scream the floor number as you pass it.Floss your teethBring a portable DVD player and watch your favorite movie with the volume on highStare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."Start a sing-a-long.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.Drop a bag of groceries and look around like it was the other peoples fault.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"Hold the doors open and say you are waiting for a friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say "Hey Greg, How's your day been?"Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.Grab a pillow and attempt to fall asleepMake race car noises when anyone gets on or off.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other people.Shadow box.Stand really close to someone and sniff them occasionally.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.Face the corner and don’t moveDemand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."Call a girl a dude.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"Call out, "Group Hug!" & then enforce it.Whenever someone steps in the elevator in a deep voice say, "GET OUT!"Bring a camera & take pictures of everyone on the elevator.Sing the 99 bottles of beer song.Pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.Ask if you can push the button for the other people and push the wrong ones.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's ok! Don't panic, they will open again!"Swat at flies that aren't there.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.Break dance to elevator music.Have a fake obnoxious cell phone conversationPretend you're invisibleLay out a small blanket and some food to have a picnicMurmur and/or talk to yourselfDraw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"One word: Flatulence!Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.Play the harmonica.When the elevator dings, scream.Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it is getting larger!"Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"Pick your ear wax.Scratch your head excessivelyWalk on making dinosaur noises and nudge people with your nose.Say “ding” every time you reach a new floorPut powdered sugar in your hair and scratch your head a lot.Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.Sell Girl Scout cookies.Leave a box between the doors.Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers "I must avenge the death of my father."Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.Drop and pen & wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream "NOOO THAT'S MINE!"Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."Tie bells to all your clothes.Sing really off pitch to a popular song.Set up a chair and desk in the elevator, and whenever anyone gets on, say, "Hello! Welcome to my office. Do you have an appointment?"Sway from side to side the whole ride.Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.Blow spit-bubbles.Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut-Up, all of you, just shut up!"Rock back and forth while sucking on your thumbFake cough/sneeze uncontrollablyCall McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.Bring a Twister mat and ask if people want to play.When you get to your floor try and open the doors yourself and act embarrassed when they open by themselves.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you are on.Bring a chair along.Ask people what gender they are.Moan "Oh no! Not now! Damn motion sickness!"Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" over and over again.Insist to a stranger that you're relatedOffer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.Drum on every available surface.Act drunk.Do Tai Chi exercises.

An old occupation
What happens when people of different occupations get old.

- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

- Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.

- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.

- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.

- Old investors never die, they just roll over.

- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.

- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.

- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.

- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.

- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...

- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.

- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.

- Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.

- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.

- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.

- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.

- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....

- Old printers never die, they're just not the type.

- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.

- Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.

- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.

- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.

- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.

- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.

- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.

- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

- Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.

- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.

- Old students never die, they just get degraded.

- Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.

- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.

- Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.

- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.

- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.