A man was leaving church one day...
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery ma...
A customer at Greens Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietors quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldnt share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers wont hear. "But since youre a good and faithful customer, Ill let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, youll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, hes back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didnt eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, hes back and this time hes really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "Youre selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. Youre ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."