A farmer and his wife went into town for...
A farmer and his wife went into town for their yearly medical checkup. After he was finished, the doctor asked to speak with the wife alone. In the doctor's office, the doctor told her that her husband had a very serious disease. He must not have to undergo stress in anyway, the doctor said. You must do all of his chores for him, and make him nice meals 3 times daily.

You must be available for him, and do things with him, such as watch sports games with him. Do not do anything that would cause him to get upset for any reason. Without this kind of special treatment, he will die. You must do this for at least 10 months to a year. At that time he will need another check-up, at which point he will probably be alright again.

Later, on the way home, the farmer asked:"what the doctor tell you?"

She said, "You're going to die."

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told...
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait."Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles andsays, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "