A guy was driving home one evening...
A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll". The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates Badd Teddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.00" The man can't help himself and asks "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?" "That's obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ....

A College Student’s Night Before Christmas
A College Student’s Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring hat my nerves were so shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were so muddy,
My eyes went ablur, I just couldn’t study.
“Some pizza might help,”I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.

I’d nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It Off ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless, her manner was mellow,
With her eyes open wide she started to bellow:
“What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?”

“On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! on Last Year’s Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and Last Minute Crams!”
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.

“Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy Finals to All, and to All, a good test.”