10 Good Things About The Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.

9. You can legally take sedatives.

8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.

7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.

6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.

5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.

4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.

3. Star Trek re-runs.

2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

7 Word Obituary
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes
into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for
her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a
word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it
read, 'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am,
there is a
7 word minimum on all obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few
seconds
says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983
Pick-up for
sale.'"