Bad News and Good News
Jill phoned her husband, John, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said John, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."

Jill replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."

"OK darling," said John, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."

"Okay," agreed Jill. "Well, the air bag works...bye!"

Ape Reading List
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was
reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of
Species.

In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both
those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was
my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."