A horrible curse
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation"I now pronounce you man and wife".

Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."