A rabbi, a priest, and a lawyer were all...
A rabbi, a priest, and a lawyer were all caught in a shipwreck. Naturally, there are a lot of sharks circling around. All of a sudden, one shark darts in and grabs the priest for lunch. No more priest.
The rabbi starts praying frantically, but to no avail, as a shark comes in and eats him, too.

Now the lawyer is really worried, as a shark is coming for him. But, miracle of miracles, the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off.

The lawyer, curious, waits till the shark is far enough away not to eat him, and asks, "How come you didnt eat me?" And the shark replies, "Professional Courtesy!"

A DIET PRAYER
Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen