A Night at the Asylum
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"

First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

Before and After in Marriage
Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.

Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.

Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.

Before - Turbocharged.
After - Needs a jump-start

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before - Idol.
After - Idle.

Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?

Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.

Before - Oysters.
After - Fishsticks.

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How did I end up with someone like you?