A father was at the beach with his child...
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A Night at the Asylum
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"

First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"