A farmer and his wife went into town for...
A farmer and his wife went into town for their yearly medical checkup. After he was finished, the doctor asked to speak with the wife alone. In the doctor's office, the doctor told her that her husband had a very serious disease. He must not have to undergo stress in anyway, the doctor said. You must do all of his chores for him, and make him nice meals 3 times daily.

You must be available for him, and do things with him, such as watch sports games with him. Do not do anything that would cause him to get upset for any reason. Without this kind of special treatment, he will die. You must do this for at least 10 months to a year. At that time he will need another check-up, at which point he will probably be alright again.

Later, on the way home, the farmer asked:"what the doctor tell you?"

She said, "You're going to die."

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother...
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,"Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle.""That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?""I don't like her."