A Short Time to Live
A man hasn't been fealing well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."

45 or 82?
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting along time for you.""What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.Why did I have to die now?""45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel."Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.""Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. Aftera few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."