A man worries
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.


A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband. A man never worries about the
future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand
him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with
a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new one.

A lawyer's dog, running about
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, ''if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?''

''Absolutely,'' the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back, ''Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.''

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.

The contents read ''Consultation Fee: $25.00.''