Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

A couple have not been getting along for years...
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesn't get her anything.She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"