Funny Words of Wisdom
Funny Words of Wisdom =========================  To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.  The other line always moves faster.  Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.  If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.  If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.  A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.  Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.  If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.  A short cut is the longest distance between two points.  The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.  Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.  Murphy Was an Optimist........  When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.  Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.  When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.  Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.  If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the heck is going on.  You will always find something in the last place you look.  No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.  Leakproof seals - will.  There is always one more bug.  In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.  If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.  If if jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.  A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.  Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.  You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.  Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.  Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.  The first myth of management is that it exists.  New systems generate new problems.  Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.  The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.  After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.  A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.  The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.  A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.  If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.  Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.  Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.  Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.  A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.  Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.  Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.  The only perfect science is hind-sight.  When all else fails, read the instructions.  Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.  The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.  Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.  Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.  The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.  Nothing ever gets built on schedule.  A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

Business one-liners 08
All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney

All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.

All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

All things being equal, all things are never equal.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.

Always hire a rich attorney.

Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.

Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!

Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!

Ambiguity is invariant.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.

An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.

An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

. When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally.

An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.

An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.