A sermon about lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Business is business
A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a smalltown. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country." The teacher replies, "Well...that's a goodanswer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."Another young student raises his hand and says, "I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the Civil War." ... "Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,"that's the answer I was looking for." She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop. Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop. He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, "I know it's Moses, and YOU know it's Moses, but business is business."