A U.S Army Colonel issues a directive
A U.S. ARMY COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING
DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet
will be visible in this area, an event which occurs only once every
75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues,
and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain,
we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the
theater and I will show them films of it."

EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:

"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's comet
will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in
fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon
will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."

COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:

"By order of the Colonel in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening,
the phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case
of rain, in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order,
something which occurs once every 75 years."

LIEUTENANT TO SERGEANT:

"Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with
Halley's Comet, something which happens every 75 years if it rains,
the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area."

SERGEANT TO SQUAD:

"When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours, the phenomenal 75 year old
General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his comet
through the battalion area theater in fatigues."

A stupid dog
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"Bernie: "The dog came here to pray.""Oh, come on." says the Rabbi."YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple."Bernie: "Its true!".."Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do.""OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school????"Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"