Funny News Headlines
Funny News Headlines From Real Newspaper and TV Reports:Red Tape Holds Up New BridgesWeight Watchers Demonstrator Shoplifts CupcakesOne-Armed Man Applauds The Kindness of StrangersJuvenile Court To Try Shooting DefendantRally Against Apathy Draws Small CrowdBig Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes On 210, Creates Jam New Sick Policy Requires 2-Day NoticeMidget Sues Grocer, Cites Belittling RemarksSlowdown Continues To AccelerateMan Accused Of Killing Lawyer Receives A New Attorney Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot DoctorsFish Needs Water, Feds SayGuy Kidnaps Ex-Girlfriend To Get Ironing DoneMortuary Adds Drive-ThroughCold Wave Linked to TemperaturesWinners Of Drunk Driving Contest AnnouncedAuthorities Pursue Man Running With ScissorsCows Lose Their Jobs As Milk Prices DropHomeless Man Under House ArrestMiners Refuse to Work after DeathThree Ambulances Take Blast Victim To HospitalAnts Take A Long Time To Cook In MicrowaveMayor Parris To Homeless: Go HomeAuthor Of Book On How To Avoid Taxes On Trial For Tax EvasionOnce-Sagging Cloth Diaper Industry Saved By Full DumpsFederal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find WeaponsGirl Claims Abuse: No Facebook and PhoneState Population To Double By 2040; Babies To BlameMan Wants "Hell" Taken Out Of "Hello"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test GroupMeeting On Open Meetings Is ClosedCaskets Found As Workers Demolish MausoleumLocal Child Wins Gun From FundraiserHemorrhoids Inspire Respectful HindsightNo Cause Of Death Determined For Beheading VictimUtah Poison Control Reminds Not To Take PoisonKids Make Nutritious SnacksBugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying BugsStudents Cook & Serve GrandparentsCat Called For Jury DutyFlorida Woman Calls 911 After McDonald's Runs Out Of McNuggetsPolice Begin Campaign to Run Down JaywalkersWorker Suffers Leg Pain After Crane Operator Drops 800-Pound Ball On His HeadLocal High School Dropouts Cut in Half Experts Are Sure The Dow Will Either Rise Or DeclineHomicide Victims Rarely Talk To PoliceAstronaut Takes Blame for Gas in SpacecraftPolice Arrest Florida Man For Drunken Joyride On Motorized Scooter At WalmartThreat Disrupts Plan To Meet About ThreatsCounty To Pay $250,000 To Advertise Lack Of FundsMeat Head ResignsTeacher Dies; Board Accepts His ResignationTyphoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds DeadState Prisons Replace Easy-Open LocksAlton Attorney Accidentally Sues HimselfMan Shot Twice In Head, Gets Mad!Federal Openness Workshop Closed To PublicWoman Pukes At IKEA, Stays For NapLow Pay Reason For Poverty, Study SaysMan Eats Underwear To Beat BreathalyzerStabbing Disrupts Class For Anger ManagementDrunk Driver Claims Dog Was DrivingPigs Die As House Are Blown DownRecall Me MaybeBridges Help People Cross RiversPsychics Predict World Didn't End YesterdayClose Look At Dating Finds Men Choose Attractive WomenMan Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge Safety Meeting Ends In AccidentSomething Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert SaysCity Wants Dead To Pay For CleanupWoman Attacks Man With Bowl of SpaghettiWaterford Boy, Age 8, Saves Sister's Life - Youngster used Heimlich, which he learned from TV. Says "I wouldn't do it again, she's been a pain this week."US Says Insect Parts, Rat Hair Are OK In FoodMurderer Says Detective Ruined His ReputationMadonna Reads Her 2nd BookMan Ate Stolen Ice Cream Sandwich He Kept In PantsVolunteers Search For Old Civil War PlanesWar Dims Hope for PeaceKenya Believe It?City Unsure Why The Sewer SmellsMost Earthquake Damage Is Caused By ShakingWrite-In Voting Gets Woman Shot At School BoardIf Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last AwhileSewage Spill Kills Fish, But Water Safe To DrinkBritish People Prefer Facebook To ToiletsCourt Rules That Being A Jerk Is Not A Crime

An Evil Curse
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words.

One day he met a beautiful princess. She had ruby lips, golden hair and sapphire eyes. He fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. So he waited three more years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to 5.

But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

The princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: "Pardon?"