Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

Ape Reading List
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was
reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of
Species.

In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both
those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was
my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."