A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday...
A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. The pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please make this bear a Christian". Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and said "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"

Funny Warning Labels
Funny Warning Labels:
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Bowl Fresh (for toilets): Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Child's Scooter: This product moves when used.
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
In an information booklet: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet."
Little Ones Baby Lotion - Keep away from children
Manual for a microwave oven: "Do not use for drying pets."
On a bag of chips - "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside".
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."
On a box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."
On a can of air freshener: "For use by trained personnel only."
On a curling iron: "For external use only"
On a Frisbee: "Warning: May contain small parts."
On a frozen dinner: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On a hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a kids superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a package for an iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On a portable stroller: "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage."
On a shipment of hammers: "May be harmful if swallowed."
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: "Do not use orally."
On Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
Wet-Nap directions: Tear open packet and use.