A stolen credit card
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother...
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked."I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. "Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"