How To Be Politically Correct With Women
How to be Politically Correct with Women

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY

Boys and Girls
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and
women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the
same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in
the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to
catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and
she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church
an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and
he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the
church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually
messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment
at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and
turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to
dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with
Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their
appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their
bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather
lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in
public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively
start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and
almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a
boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake
belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're
too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not
because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a
boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an
early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses.
By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses
unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk,
they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry
if you turn off the TV after they've watched "Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.