A golfer hit his drive on the first hole...
A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is that correct?""Yes, I am," he replied.St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?"The golfer replied,"You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet...
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds."Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.""From hunger, you mean?""No, from skipping."