Build an Ark
Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark." Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened. "The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. "The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. "The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. "The IRS seized all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and the Equal Opportunity Commission said I wasn't hiring enough Croatians. "I'm sorry, Lord, but I can't finish the ark for at least five years." Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. Noah looked up and said, "Lord, does this mean you're not going to devastate the earth?" "Right," said the Lord. "The government already has."

Funny Warning Labels
Funny Warning Labels:
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Bowl Fresh (for toilets): Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Child's Scooter: This product moves when used.
Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
In an information booklet: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet."
Little Ones Baby Lotion - Keep away from children
Manual for a microwave oven: "Do not use for drying pets."
On a bag of chips - "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside".
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."
On a box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."
On a can of air freshener: "For use by trained personnel only."
On a curling iron: "For external use only"
On a Frisbee: "Warning: May contain small parts."
On a frozen dinner: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On a hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a kids superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a package for an iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On a portable stroller: "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage."
On a shipment of hammers: "May be harmful if swallowed."
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: "Do not use orally."
On Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
Wet-Nap directions: Tear open packet and use.