A dog for a wife
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his firstassignment, and it was guard duty.A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervousyoung Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute,and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the saluteand said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going todisagree with the General, so the he saluted again andreplied "Sir, Yes Sir!".The General continued, "You know there's something about astormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing.Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just aprivate, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever,the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said"Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

A pious man who had reached the age of 105...
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"