A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier...
A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself."The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

50/50 relationship
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!