Bacon tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when
all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no
meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,

Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
fire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree.... Ees, a Ham Bush"

An Unusual Prayer
Little Anne had been exceedingly naughty and during the
dinner hour she was forced to eat alone in the corner at a
card table. When everyone was seated, Father bowed his head
and gave thanks.

Then little Anne gravely bowed her head and said "Thank You
Dear Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of
my enemies."