A man with a pegleg, hook hand and...
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird pooped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

Benefits of the Revival
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were
discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great
for us! We gained 4 new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We
gained 6 new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than
that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"