A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop...
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand for the story behind it." "At that price, you can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the bronze rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars... following him. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a lamp post, grasping it with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay as far as he can throw it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah sir, you've come back for the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer "

100 Reasons To Party
. Because it's Friday.

2. Because your dentist canceled your appointment.

3. Because you can't think of anything boring to do.

4. Because it's daytime.

5. Because it's nighttime.

6. Because it's exactly one week later than it was this time last week.

7. Because you like to make ice.

8. Because you want to annoy your neighbors.

9. Because you're dying to wear your new light shade.

10. Because you're tired of playing 'Charades' with yourself.

11. Because you're carrying a party gene.

12. Because you found the perfect shoes.

13. Because you're afraid your lifestyle is too healthy.

14. Because you never know...

15. Because your place could use a good mess.

16. Because your mother needs something to be upset about.

17. Because you have a sudden urge to limbo.

18. Because your inhibitions are out of town.

19. Because the bank made an error in your favor.

20. Because it's there.

21. Because you need more bean dip in your diet.

22. Because the fun content of your blood is too low.

23. Because you look good doing it.

24. Because you're considering it as a career.

25. Because your yo-yo stock went up a point.

26. Because someone's got to do it.

27. Because you have a bad reputation to uphold.

28. Because your plants want to meet new people.

29. Because fun is a terrible thing to waste.

30. Because you want to try out your new jokes.

31. Because it's your patriotic duty.

32. Because you're going for the party record.

33. Because your roommate got rid of his scorpion farm.

34. Because you need the practice.

35. Because you're not getting any younger.

36. Because the vet says your hamster will pull through.

37. Because you've got it coming to you.

38. Because your life is starting to grow moss.

39. Because your brain needs a night off.

40. Because you never met a party you didn't like.

41. Because the fate of the free world depends on it.

42. Because the universe is expanding.

43. Because your dog is finally housebroken.

44. Because it's the only exercise you get.

45. Because maturity is overrated.

46. Because a party demon has possessed your body.

47. Because it hurts too much when you stop.

48. Because these are your "party years!"

49. Because you're too polite to turn down an invitation.

50. Because you can't boogie to a book.

51. Because you have an overactive party gland.

52. Because the moon is in a party phase.

53. Because otherwise the police would have nothing to do.

54. Because curfew has been lifted.

55. Because the phone company lost your Internet bill.

56. Because you won the lottery and feel reckless.

57. Because life seems so dull without it.

58. Because that's how the dinosaurs would have wanted to go.

59. Because you haven't eaten a million corn chips yet.

60. Because you're suffering from popcorn deficiency.

61. Because you're supposed to be the irresponsible one.

62. Because how else are you going to learn to juggle chainsaws?

63. Because your bank manager finally lifted that death threat.

64. Because you need to get to know more riot police.

65. Because your budgie ate your concert tickets and you need to let the party feeling out somehow.

66. Because the voices tell you to.

67. Because if not you, who else?

68. Because it's time.

69. Because the local committee like you too much.

70. Because you need to cultivate a bad impression.

71. Because if you don't you'll explode.

72. Because you got your coursework in on time.

73. Because your lecturer forgot to set work for the weekend.

74. Because you suspect you're too uptight.

75. Because you need to get ready for New Year's.

76. Because THEY don't want you to.

77. Because it's a long way till midnight, and you've got ten crates to get through.

78. Because you want to finish all the food in your house before dawn.

79. Because someone bet you to.

80. Because the dice tell you to.

81. Because you haven't heard a police megaphone for a whole week.

82. Because you want to meet new alcohol.

83. Because that's the last thing they'll expect.

84. Because it's down to you.

85. Because you spend too much time on the Net and you don't want to develop keyboard withdrawal.

87. Because how else are you going to rebel?

88. Because you just want to, alright, ALRIGHT?!

89. Because you're too tense.

90. Because everyone you know needs convincing you're insane.

91. Because your parrot accused you of being boring.

92. Because you know at least "30 things to do before you're 30" that you haven't done.

93. Because you need good reference material.

94. Because you want to create a false identity.

95. Because you want to prove you can.

96. Because you feel like everyone's ignoring you.

97. Because you want to improve your crime sheet.

98. Because you have a very evil punch recipe.

99. Because because because because... because of the wonderful things it does! (see Wizard of Oz)

100. Because you need to work on your purity test score.