A man worries
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband. A man never worries about the
future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand
him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with
a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change & she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new one.
Silly Dictionary
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at
McDonald's.Avoidable uh-avoy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.Burglarize ur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen
cabinets.Eclipse i-klips': What an English barber does for a living.Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist.Heroes hee'-rhos: What a guy in a boat does.Left Bank left' bangk': What the robber did after his bag was full of
loot.Misty miss'-tee: How golfers create divots.Paradox par'-of-docks: Two physicians.Parasites par'-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: A helper on the farm.Polarize po'-lur-ize: What penguins see with.Primate pri'-mate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.Relief
ee-leaf': What trees do in the spring.Rubberneck
ub'-er-nek: What you do to relax your wife.Seamstress seem'-stress: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.Selfish sel'-fish: What the owner of a seafood store does.Subdued some-dood': Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like,
submarines, man.Sudafed soo'-da-fed: Bringing litigation against a government official.