A horrible curse
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation"I now pronounce you man and wife".

Bathtub Seizure
Q: What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub?
A: Throw in a load of laundry.