Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

Bribing the Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the
opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by
both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney
Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket
and pulled out a check. He handed
it to Leon.

"Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide
this case solely on its merits.