Sniglets - Words That Should Exist
Words That Should Exist But Don't==================================
 Snackmosphere - The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.  Ohnosecond - That very short moment in time during which you realize that you have pressed the wrong key and deleted hours, days, or weeks of work.  Eiffelites - Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit.  Meganegabar - The line you put on a check to prevent someone else from adding "and a million dollars."  Frust - The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.  Petrophobic - One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.  Snork - To spew what you're drinking or chewing in a fit of sudden laughter.  Cylences - long gaps in a phone conversation that occur because one person is also reading email, IMing or shopping online.  Accordianated - Being able to drive and re-fold a road map at the same time.  Exhaustipated - Being so tired that when you try to speak, nothing comes out right.  Testlosterone - The hormone that prevents men from stopping and asking for directions.  Refunable – Something you enjoyed so much you’d do it again.  Treeware - Documents made out of paper, as opposed to electronic documents.  Disconfect - To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.  Newtrons - The magnetized particles that amazingly hold Fig Newtons together.  Prairiedogged - The feeling of helplessness you get when co-workers in neighboring cubicles constantly pop their heads up to ask you stupid questions.  Aqualibrium - The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (A) having to suck the nozzle, or (B) squirting themself in the eye/ear.  Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.  Elecelleration - The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.  Mallmanac - In a mall, the giant maze with blocks and numbers on it, otherwise known as the "Directory".  Hereoglyph - A little stick figure on a mallmanac that tells where you are.  Peppier - The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.  Phonesia - The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.  Aeroma - The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics class.  Dimp - A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"  Dessertification - The act of eating less than the entire meal, in order to "save room for dessert".  Kirby - A Small but repulsive piece of food prominently attached to a person's face or clothing.  Zen mail - an email message that arrives with no text in it.  Klong - The sudden overwhelming feeling of fear and panic when you feel that everything is going well and you have plenty of time and you suddenly remember there was someplace else VERY important that you are supposed to be RIGHT NOW, and it's nobody's fault but your own that you aren't there.  Snee - A sneeze that doesn't completely execute. You feel your nose tingling and you start inhaling, anticipating the forceful thrust of air and saliva that is expected, but it never materializes. 

Parent Job Description
Parent Job Description

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Forward this on to all the parents you know in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.          ** AND A FOOTNOTE   "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT"  --  EVER!