A parent's night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!


We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

Funny Signs

Funny Signs:
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At a Budapest zoo - Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan - Stop - Drive Sideways.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner - Cooles and Heates - If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From the Soviet Weekly - There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners - Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby - The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office - We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a hotel in Athens, Greece - Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.

In a Japanese hotel room - Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Paris hotel elevator - Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Rhodes, Greece tailor shop - Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Swiss mountain inn - Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Tokyo Hotel - Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Tokyo shop - Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

In an Acapulco hotel - The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist - Teeth extrcted by the latest Methodists.

In an East African newspaper - A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In the window of a Swedish furrier - Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant - Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop - Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Sign from a Majorcan shop entrance - English well talking