Bank customer service
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."

Absentminded Doctor to Patient
After a relaxing vacation, the doctor go in to see his
patient. The doctor says, "I have some bad news and some even
worse news. The bad new is you only have a week to live."

The patient replies, "Oh my God! What could be worse?"

The doctor replies, "I should have told you last week."