Dumb.com >> Jokefight
Vote For Your Favorite Joke

I can't decide!

A DIET PRAYER
Lord, My soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen




A political man to a woman...
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.""Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"



Latest Joke Fight Results:

  • Men vs. Women was a winner against Tests Before Having Children
  • Boys and Girls was a winner against Bank customer service
  • Bad computer viruses was a winner against Parent Job Description
  • Blonde State of Mind was a winner against 10 Things You Never Hear in Church
  • 10 Good Things About The Flu was a winner against Benefits of the Revival
  • 40th Birthday was a winner against Bad Japanese economy
  • Silly Dictionary was a winner against 15 Ways To Uplift the Workplace
  • $100,000 was a winner against Basketball
  • 3 men in Saudi was a winner against An artist asked the gallery owner if the...
  • 3 Questions was a winner against 3 Docs at heavans gate!