40th Birthday
A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Sherry? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"

She said, "I want a divorce."

He replied in shock, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

I tried to be a tailor...
I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.